9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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