Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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