You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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