HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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