so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
