it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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