tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
