hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
