My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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