I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
