She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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