this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
