There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
