I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
