I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
