I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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