1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
