btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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