I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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