omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
high people should be assigned attendants
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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