The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize