thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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