his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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