dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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