I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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