Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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