dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
