You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
