if i can run in heels then i can drive
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
