im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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