I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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