the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
