It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
