Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
