Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
