wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
