I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
third nipple confirmed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
