The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
