apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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