I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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