My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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