I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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