The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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