May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
