Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
