is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
