Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
