I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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