By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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