Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
