A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
