im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
