Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
