What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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