he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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