i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
