I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
