She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
