Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
