dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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