I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
