What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
