soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
