Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
