we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
